Crazy and Special

I used to think I was crazy

and special

clothed in halfness

like a goddess.

my mind, an earthspine

of crooked mountain vertebrae

closer to the stars

closer to the core

always both, sometimes more

then came The Naming

my condition is labeled

I’m not special,

just sick

not special,

just crazy

not a goddess.

a gene pool mistake, a fluke

the name stripped me of demigod cloak

mortal now, mortal forever now

and those pills

they have these pills

and light boxes

and herbs

medicines to cure

what hate most is that it would probably work

they don’t need to know me, just my sickness

cures to bulldozer my mountainside

I’m not special,

just crazy.

I am all empathy

all selfishness

all compassion

all anger

I am always all

no. pills through my pelican throat

I am all nothing

all nothing

all nothing

all nothing

I am the biggest nothing I have ever seen

I used to think I was crazy

and special

but I am a weathered statue torn naked by wind

the desert-paradise mind of mine

is all torture now

thoughts swarm

like locust

is my personality a disease?

embrace my polars

or pills

or me

or me

or which

or me

I used to think

now I am told

and I do

I do swallow them

now I am not crazy

or special

now I am not crazy

–Laura Johnson

Laura Johnson is laconic. betweenhereandthere.weebly.com

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