By Marissa Gonzalez
I watched our wedding video last night and it ignited the smoldering pain. As I watched the way we used to glow in each other’s presence, the fiery pain made me double over on the sofa. The tears flowed from my eyes and blurred my vision. That’s the way the memory of the love we once united in is now. You have been gone so long. It is hard to remember all the joyous things my mind would bring to my consciousness with every glance. I forgot how we always smiled and touched each other, but there was the reminder.
We were so happy on that day. I call it the pink and cream day. As I watched the video, I saw that my bouquet told everyone what we were. We were pink and cream roses held together by a strand of pearls. Our love was so pure, gentle and kind like the pastel color pink. We were high school educators so we were sturdy and sought after like the roses. We were two happy oysters producing pearls who had found each other in an ocean of sharks. We were resolved to stick together and hold our lives together by showing our beauty and strength to one another, just like the string of pearls. Each pearl is a masterpiece. Beautiful masterpieces of love form a strand and each cannot exist without the other. They bind pure love. The pearls held the pink and cream roses in order. That’s the way we wanted the things in our life to be.
And so it was for three and a half years. We both suffered from the long hours at work and all the extra things we took on in our lives. So at about the three and a half year mark we began to neglect each other.
Just as the colors had left the petals on the wedding bouquet, that I kept, so did our pink and cream. Stress faded everything in our lives. It faded our desire to be roses to high school level education. It dimmed the shine that was always present in our midst. It diminished our smiles. It dulled our longing to be with each other. The string of pearls was yanked apart when you took a job in another city.
Funny how the choices you make for your wedding say so much about who you are as a couple. The real bouquet faded years before we did, but it brought me sadness just the same. The flowers in the bouquet are all an ashy grey now. I can’t tell which were pink and which were cream. It was the same for deciphering the meaning of each smile and tender touch we shared on that soft colored day, as I watched the video. It’s all an ashy blur.
The series of pieces in Pink and Cream were written shortly after Marissa’s divorce. She hope it serves as a sign to others that she understands the pain of divorce. Currently, she lives in Cleveland. She spends her time writing and working on her jewelry business